Wondering at the state of Australian retail

The above picture notwithstanding, the whole Australian retail sector, from farm to fridge, sucks big time. As I recently said.

I dare you to look at the above picture of Mrs Speech and Big W's grand discount and not laugh, snort, guffaw or chortle. Okay, you can chortle a little.


An Australian-USA Thanksgiving, with some New Zealand thrown in, too

Mrs Speech and I know a lovely lady from Colorado. There's another woman who goes to church with them, who is from Indiana.

They got together and nefariously planned a pro-USA demonstration Thanksgiving celebration for Australian family members and friends. And a little bit for them too I guess.

There was also a very nice, elderly New Zealand couple.

I brought along some HD NFL to watch (Packers! Lions! Friday night football!) and we had turkey, mash, sweet potato, glazed carrots, green bean casserole, olives, boiled eggs, fresh bread, and other stuff.

We had soft drink too. Mrs Speech didn't have much of that because I kept stealing hers.

It was topped off by pumpkin pie, which is something that totally needs to catch on over here in Australia. Pumpkin pie is awesome, especially with whipped cream.

Afterward we sung some songs related to the states of Indiana, Michigan and Colorado, and watched some Youtube clips of Americana-type songs. Everyone had a good time and was satisfied.


Baking ourselves in a mid-morning Australian summer

A few weeks back I bought a new basketball from Rebel Sport. We had been walking a bit, again and we had passed the basketball courts at the high school a couple times.

They're absolutely beautiful. They had been resurfaced in the late nineties but wear and tear did them in a bit. That and the roots from the monster tree next to the court, which pushed up the far court like localised seismic activity; little rift valleys which meant you couldn't even dribble.

But they done been resurfaced and new hoops and backboards. So I dragged Mrs Speech over there Sunday mid-morning. Big mistake. We were there maybe twenty minutes before the heat got us. It was like being in an oven. The heat bounced off the court and sizzled us. We had no SPF or hats on. We had a bit of a walk home and took some pics of a babbling brook (DON'T DRINK THE WATER!!) and the turkey which scratches around the place.

He's built up a massive cratered nest thing. Mrs Speech wants to fatten him up so we can, y'know, Christmas...


Pricing the gobble-gobbles

Speaking of which, we were at the mall yesterday mailing off Jesse Tree Ornaments. We stopped at the supermarket yesterday and had a squiz at turkeys for Christmas.

If you're American, you have to know this one thing: we don't eat much turkey here. We have it at Christmas, wherein they might sell a few million, but outside that, not really. In fact, turkey is so synonymous with Christmas, that it would feel weird to eat it outside of Christmas day, unless you're having a turkey sandwich. But at $32.99/kg sliced that's pretty steep for most people.

Put in perspective, you Americans probably eat more turkey on one thanksgiving than we would in fifty years total.

Anyway, so we found a #34 turkey at the supermarket. That's 3.4kg/7½ pounds. It was thirty bucks. Down to twenty, it was.

My guess is closer to Christmas it will come down, and we might get something that size for ten to fifteen. That would be nice.

If I did yet another blog post on us going to the mall, would you cry a thousand tears?

I know going to the mall is for most a prosaic experience at the best of times. I like it, for reasons passing understanding. There's something penetratingly social about going to be with other people who generally, are there for recreational purposes.

I even like grocery shopping. Weird, huh?

Anyway.

It was late night shopping tonight. No, wait wait...let me back up a bit. For those of you not from Australia, here's the deal with our retail: shops in suburban malls shut around 5:30pm. Sometimes six. Usually a little earlier on Sunday. But on Thursday night, they're open late (nine pm). In the city, shops are open till nine on friday night. Don't ask me why it's like that, it just is. I know what you Americans are thinking...'they shut at five thirty??? Is this Communist Romania?'

I'd love it if they opened later. But alas. It does make thursday night shopping a little more fun. Everyone turns out the same night. I like being around people.

This will become more fun in about a month, when the masses pack themselves in, the dear little sardines, by the tens of thousands, into malls around the country, doing Christmas shopping. It'll be crowded. It'll be cramped. It'll be frustrating. It'll be sweaty. It'll be an experience where I test my morals - if a little old lady and I are both spying the last thing do I say 'Hey! Look over there, a skunk!' and then grab the vase and high tail it toward the checkout?

I can't wait! I already know what I'm getting Mrs Speech.

Anyway.

So today, Thursday night, late night shopping. A beautiful dusk greeted us, palm trees darkened against a baldly pale azure sky and a temperate breeze that was pure perfection. See, it doesn't have to be entirely prosaic.

I wish I had gotten a picture but Mrs Speech and I were racing to get to the post office which was closing soon.

Mrs Speech needed to mail off a couple Jesse Tree Ornament sets to people who purchased from Mrs Speech's shop.

By the way, to the people thus far who have purchased from Mrs Speech, thank you! We appreciate it. Your ornaments are either on their way to you, or hopefully you have received them already!

We had tea at the mall. Garden City has two food courts and a few little cafes and stuff dotted here and there, plus a recently renovated outdoor dining area with like seven restaurants, an ice creamery and a sixteen cinema megaplex.

We got some cheap Subway, and headed to Big W, which as I have mentioned previously, is much like Wal Mart.

I'm totally ready for the Christmas season. Man, knock me over with a sledgehammer. And I think Mrs Speech is getting there too, because she enthusiastically joined me as we went through all Big W's lolly (candy) aisles, preparing for all the holiday chocolate we'd be buying each other.

They have these awesome little gastronomical gift sets too. Like the rectangular tin of biscuits with a mini pool table and cues and pool balls on top which you can actually use to play mini pool! How awesome is that!! Also there was a pizza kit, with a stone tablet, round cutting thing and serving thing, and one of those stone pesto grindy things. I know, not too specific.

There was an Angry Birds themed chicken kit. ie, it had BBQ chilli sauce and things like that. I reckon the birds would get angry if they knew that their destiny was some dude's plate, with BBQ chilli sauce adorning them.

I want to give a shout out to Mrs Speech's family and their almond-selling business. We came across various nuts, one of which was French Vanilla almonds. Mrs Speech loves French Vanilla coffee. I got to wondering if she'd like French Vanilla nuts. Hmmm.

We then got to roaming up and down the Christmas aisles. I've posted previously on them, they're loads of fun. Crummy nick-nacks you can make fun of, post on your blog and laugh at, alongside economical, traditional Christmas creations to replace the old stuff you don't want to let go of.

It's all good value, if you're not looking to spend $17.99 on one chilli pepper bauble (see video above), and I'm sure we'll roam up and down the aisles many more times. Sometimes we walk out with a little something.

The nutcracker marching band men were positively creepy; I don't know who in their right mind would want one of those spooky little buggers ominously peering down at them from the mantlepiece during the holidays. Maybe it's to scare the kids away from shaking the presents under the tree.

Mrs Speech loves the Nativity Scenes, and they had little Nativity figures which were quite nicely done. Not the exquisite creations which make your debit card cry, but humble I guess. Nice.

They have some weird stuff...I've posted about the sparkly purple reindeer which would have to fight me in a bar somewhere like John Wayne in order to get through my front door. Mrs Speech picked up and then quickly put down a small, cartoonish dragon.

We wandered around Big W some, then headed out.

Earthborn is a nice place to wander through. It's patently feminine and sounds like a place for clay potters who love the environment, to come together in hippy harmony, but for some reason I enjoy browsing it. They have these massive clocks, seriously, two feet tall. If they needed a replacement for Big Ben, one of these would do. Anyone putting one in their lounge room would need to retreat to the kitchen just to properly read the time.

But they're definitely a lefty place. Buddhas, lots of flower petals, some real, some not, and self-motivational wallboards like that one to the right. I call nonsense on that stuff. But regardless. I bought Mrs Speech a large silver old-school milkshake cup there a few years ago, which I monopolised because I drink more at one time than she does, and I've been trying to find one since without luck.

Earthborn usually does good business because they price quite well and the staff are pleasant.

We moved on to JB Hi-Fi, and played with some of their new tablets. Love those things. They're so instantly addictive. Looked at some of their cameras too, for the purposes of maybe getting some better shots for Mrs Speech's shop. I'm amazed at how they've come down in price over the years.

Coles was up next as we did a little shopping then headed out.

On our way though, we came across a wonderful sight: Garden city has finally put up its tree! See top of post.

And, although it's connected to their crud Santa's workshop, it's still nice to see. It must be thirty feet tall, with lights and bauble-tinsel and the anticipation of yes, yet again, it's that time of year.

Great way to end the night.

Couple interesting walks lately...well, interesting for the kind of stuff we've come along.

Our wee little strolls have lately taken us along the bikeway which cuts through the bushland near our house. They've been doing some renovations to it lately, including what you see to the right there.

Beyond the underpass which dips beneath Mount Gravatt-Capalaba Road, they basically closed the whole thing off. Of course I continued and dragged Mrs Speech over a metal fence in what is sure to be a violation of some council ordinance or other.

Mostly it's just a lot of orange temporary fencing to keep people from writing BAZ HERE '88 or something along those anti-social lines, in the wet concrete.

A few days back we came across a grisly mystery: a dead snake. And not just dead but mutilated! Cool. Totally ripped up in the middle with ants carrying what's left of its insides back to their nests.

It's a Sherlock Holmes because unless a bird of prey decided to have a go at the slithery thing on the ground, the only thing that really could have chopped it was a lawnmower. A ride-on one. And the grass in that area had been freshly-mowed. But snakes are skittish and it would have heard that thing coming a mile away and wriggled off to eat a mouse.

The game is afoot. Well, maybe not. Snake's gone now.

Saw another scrub turkey the other day. There's a Uniting Church which we sometimes cut through to get home, and they have a bit of undeveloped land in suburbia with some trees and a turkey's decided he'll make a home there, I suppose. It's always fun to see something that prominent running around suburbia.

However, not all animal experiences are fun. The other day a bug decided to fly right in Mrs Speech's eye as we walked along bikeways between Broadwater and Cresthaven Parks.

It was the size of a tennis ball. Mrs speech actually had me take a picture of the thing - for posterity I tells ya! Where can I get it framed! - so she could see where it was. She won't let me post it even though it's cool because she's holding her lower eyelid down like a zombie kid or something.

We used a tissue to get it out and were very thankful.

The days end later in Brisbane now, seeing as it's late spring (yay! summer!) and even though the other day we set off late we came home at just the right time. A Brisbane sunset is a pretty amazing thing, especially in the warmer months when the blues melt into picturesque purples and greens before sliding past the horizon. Nice to look at - even with the neon signs.

So yesterday Mrs Speech and I painted the mall red. Well, maybe not red. Well, maybe we didn't paint it. But we definitely went to the mall.

Mrs Speech wanted to mail off some Jesse Tree Ornaments that sold from her shop. And since I'm a Christmas junkie, I wanted to see what the mall was doing for Christmas. Mrs Speech had told me that the decorations were up and that excited me.

Can't wait till Christmas. Only 58 days left, you know.

So, it was a beautiful day - Brisbane has these gorgeous spring days where the sky sings in colours of blue that will blow your mind, and the clouds are lost somewhere. Just blue, everywhere. Amazing. Hot, too. It must have been about 30°/90°-ish, and if you're out there too long you'll get a tan. And, dry. Brisbane's wet humidity yucky summer will come later. Yesterday it was a southern dryness.

Stepping into the mall in Brisbane's warm season is awesome...it's a bipolar temperature experience that shocks your body. From the sweaty bubble of get-me-a-drink-now, you step past the automatic doors and the discomfort slips from you, the airconditioned dryness enveloping and loving you.

Welcome to the mall. Let us make you comfy. Now spend some money!

So it was yesterday.

Okay so they have their decorations up. I wasn't really impressed. I think they'll up their game closer to Christmas but for now, some garland with silver stars and baubles, sparsely placed here and there, isn't making me feel holly jolly.

When Christmas gets closer and they really want to milk it, they put up their massive Christmas tree at the top of the mall and their Santa's workshop thing where you can sit on some strange guy's knee and get your picture taken with 'Santa'. I'm gonna write a post soon about how my childhood Father Christmas at the mall experience beats any of the undercooked imitations I've seen since. But suffice to say, it's nice when Garden City puts their tree up. Their Santa thing doesn't do it for me.

Anyway, we took care of mailing off Mrs Speech's packages, then hit the puppy store. There's a petshop which, as a very simple and effective marketing ploy, puts its puppies front and center. People crowd around the window. It's absolutely joyful to watch but also sad: they always look so cooped up, like they just want a new home. I tell Mrs Speech that they'll get sold soon.

After that we had lunch. We somehow got two six inch Subway subs and a cookie (Mrs Speech loves some cookie) for $8.10. I'm not really sure how that happened. I thought it'd be over ten bucks for sure. I don't mind Subway as a healthier option, especially since I could lose some kilos. Ham salad, on white?.........okay!

Following chow, we headed to Big W. Mrs Speech always refers to Big W as Walmart. Probably because of the W. Also, it's a variety store (no supermarket) of the same ilk. Mrs Speech says they're basically the same but I think Big W is a bit nicer.

They've put a few Halloween icons up in a cursory display - pumpkin, witches hat, spiderwebs I think - but Halloween's not special here in Australia. We don't make much of a thing of it, in fact, it gets less significant each year, which is odd because we're becoming more American, and it's a huge thing in America. If you're American, feel free to comment and let us know your Halloween traditions. I'm curious.

Big W has totally rolled out their Christmas stock though, which is fun. They keep their chocolates up front, a big department of multiple aisles of sugary temptation, and beyond, their Christmas stuff.

I tell you, you haven't experienced Christmas without the purple glittery reindeer (see post linked above), or pink glittery Cinderella shoe or blue glittery ball mask, or evil talking dog (we got one) or black Christmas tree. See left for pictures.

We got some baubles because my baubles were handed down and were bought during the Ford administration I think. When Mrs Speech moved here she didn't have enough space for baubles, so mine are all we have. And they need replacing.

We also got five 7 metre rolls of wrapping paper for $1.50 each which I just thought was filthy.

Y'know something I don't get, is why stores that sell DVDs don't have like, a Christmas section. Wouldn't they sell more if there was a display with all the favourites? White Christmas? A Christmas Carol? Jingle All The Way, even? (But not Bad Santa. Or The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.)

We futilely searched Big W's many movies without finding a Christmas section. I'm in the mood for cheap Christmas movies!

Then came the sports department. They've set up a hoop and backboard and I grabbed a ten dollar basketball and literally worked up a sweat, shooting. Haven't done that in ages. The ball kept ricocheting off of bikes and cardio trainers and Mrs Speech covered her eyes as it looked like I was going to destroy things. We moved on.

Our feet were gettin' sore by this stage so we headed for Coles (supermarket) which is always last before we go home. Mrs Speech picked up some more felt for her ornaments in Riot Art n' Craft, I wandered through JB Hifi as I do, and then, Coles.

They have the same superfluous Halloween display as Big W. Mrs Speech looked covetously at the pumpkins, which I would definitely get her but where in America they're 99c or something, a whole pumpkin here is $14.00.

However, their Halloween display did allow me to channel my inner Cap'n Jack Sparrah!

To my delight, Coles has their Christmas puddings out. I love Christmas puddings. Mrs Speech tells me that Americans hate Christmas puddings and they're considered evil and don't you dare offer any to Americans because you can get put in JAIL for that!

Maybe they're an English thing. We love 'em. I put custard and warm mine up and oh, yeah.

Our holiday season is going to be interesting this year - we're having Thanksgiving with some other people, some of whom are American, so Mrs Speech only has to make one big meal this year (we are contributing vegetables to Thanksgiving). We were going to just do turkey hindquarters for Christmas but Mrs Speech is now gonna do the whole bird. So that's nice.

That was pretty much our day. We got home, worn but happy, and an hour later a tropical storm hit (not unlike this one).

Welcome to the hot season, Brisbane style.

Yesterday Mrs Speech and I went for our longest walk yet.

It took us the length of the Bulimba Creek bikeway, down Wecker road (the boring road), up an horrific hill that could have doubled as the downhill slalom for the Winter Olympics, and then basically through Mansfield and Wishart till we got home after 6:30. We left around 4:30.

And to our delight, we had not one but two brushes with scrub turkeys.

The first one was behind Broadwater Park. It was manoeuvred into us by another family which approached it from the northeast. Scrub turkeys are extremely skittish (maybe 'cause they know cranberry sauce goes so well with them) and they dodge humans before you can get anywhere near them.

This one though, ambled hastily down the path to Mrs Speech and I, desperate to escape the clutches of the family stampeding through the bush. It came within a couple metres of us as I urged Mrs Speech in hushed tones to not move. It headed off into the undergrowth.

The second one was scrounging for food near a temporary fence erected around some improvements to the path, being done near a bridge over the creek, a little way down. It scattered quickly down the gully. The video is not nearly as compelling. Our phone camera is a scrappy affair that needs to be upgraded smartly. It does however take nice pictures of angels.

We met a guy on our walk who we recognised from a couple weeks back. The first time we saw him, on the bikeway, he asked me if there was something further down to be concerned with. He had seen me waving my hands around like a crazy guy and wanted to know what to look out for. It was just a spider web.

We said hi to him and moved on.

On Newnham road, we had an interesting experience. A cop car did a u-turn right into our section of the pavement, tires squealing in high-pitched stress not five metres from us.

Seemed totally unnecessary given that they didn't light up the siren or anything. There's a donut joke to be made somewhere but I shan't.

We arrived back after dark to find the NRL Grand Final still on, so that was nice. I like me some football. Except when a guy's ear gets chewed. That's not fun.

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Mrs Speech is linking this blog post up with Covered in Grace's Monday Meet Up!



And, reminding you to go enter her fabric giveaway which ends October 3, 2012 EST and is open worldwide.

Yesterday was a busy one for us.

For starters we had to go see the local bureaucrats. Now on a scale of one to ten, going to see the bureaucrats is a big gritting my teeth and pretending there aren't half million things that could more usefully occupy my time.

But we did, and the bureaucrats told us to come back because the paperwork wasn't quite correct, and so an hour and a half in which we might have solved world hunger went begging.

After that we ran a chore for Mrs Speech. She had to get some scripture references printed up for the awesome Jesse Tree Ornaments she is selling. We found some classy, gloss paper, thick too and printed up a bunch.

The place we printed them up is technically within the same complex as our local mall but sits on the other side of the carpark. So, we hiked back and before sunset in a while landed in the mall. Mrs Speech threatened to eat my ear if I didn't give her food so we stopped at Subway.

Well, Mrs Speech sat. I stood in line. After the bureaucrats I didn't want to see any more lines. I hope there aren't any lines again for the rest of my life.

I also bought Mrs Speech a cookie. Her mood picked up. When in doubt, buy the cookie.

From there we went a-wandering, lazily checking out the shops and their wares. To my absolute joy we found that shops have started with their Christmas decorations. This is great news for me. I'm a Christmas junky. I Love Christmas. When I was kid I loved it because I always got lots of presents. I was an only child and very, very spoiled. He-Man. Micro Machines. Matchbox Cars. Lego.

These days I love it because since becoming a Christian I more fully understand its meaning; the joy of Christ's birth is no longer a mystery. What is a mystery is how presents were once the only thing of meaning this time of year. Nowadays July isn't gone before I start longing for the carols and the mall decorations and the lights on people's houses and even the dumb commercials satirising Santa.

I can't wait, because two thousand years ago, a rustic town in the middle of a scrappy backwater Roman province saw the birth of a baby who makes all things new. And Christmas time makes it easier to focus on that, I think.

I get that the shops only elevate Christmas in order to extract more money from us. I don't care. They have their reasons. The saviour endures regardless.

We wandered through David Jones, which is one of those places. It has a small-ish section set aside for their $21.95 baubels and their $299.95 wreaths.

"I'll have one wreath please. And no Christmas presents at all this year."

Big W has a couple of smaller aisles dedicated to the *cough* more budget-conscious among us. Mrs Speech gave me the look and suggested we buy new Christmas lights this year.

We usually come late to the party with Christmas lights. The ones we have are thirty years old and although I like them Mrs Speech...doesn't. But, by the time we get around to checking out new strings, all the good-value ones have been snapped up by folks who don't spend September to early December debating whether or not the lights we have are adequate. By that time I steadfastly decline to spend thirty dollars on lights.

We got some ten dollar ones and Mrs Speech was happy.

I like wandering through Big W. Mrs Speech always calls it Wal-Mart (must be the W) but I've been in Wal-Mart and Big W is a bit nicer. Plus, Mrs Speech once found a pink blender that I'm still kicking myself for not lay-bying for Christmas. It's not around anymore.

Also Big W has a huge range of lollies (candy). Aisles and aisles and massive jars of Nutella, too. Smack-bang at the front of the store, sweet sentinels of chocolatey goodness (badness?) daring you to pass.

Just TRY to get through to toys and electronics. See? You CAN'T!!!

But as I said, I have WILL. Sort of. Somewhat. Kind of.

A little later on we passed the little shop in the middle of the mall concourse, which sells foreign lollies. English and American. The prices are criminal but once or twice a year for a treat........you know how it is.

Mrs Speech found American breakfast cereal there and almost wept from nostalgia. She hurried past me to take pictures.

I soon sensed Mrs Speech was gonna need some refreshment so I bought her a hot chocolate at Gloria Jean's. They make good stuff. One day we made the mistake of going to the Coffee Club which is where the senior citizens prefer to hang out. I felt like I was at someone's bi-weekly bridge game with bad hot chocolate.

Gloria Jean's is dark, exotic, with moody cosmetic touches that make you feel like part of the in-crowd. But you better have a tablet and be browsing on their free wi-fi and know the difference between Columbian and Mocha Colombiana or for goodness sake, GET OUT!

Nah, they're actually very friendly. Which is why we go back.

We capped the day off with a ritual visit to JB Hi-Fi (my favourite electronics store) and some grocery shopping. At which point I noticed that my feet were destroyed.

Never understood how that works...you go to the mall to relax, walk around a little and by the end of four hours your feet hurt. How's that?

Maybe it's the flip-flops I wear.

So we went for another walk today.

It was mid-afternoon and the BOM had predicted rain and possible storms. I checked the radar, and saw a big patch of yellow, red and black (the colours representing the strongest weather) coming from the west.

"Hey Honey, let's go for a walk," said I gleefully. Knew we could beat the weather.

Bad bad bad bad bad bad idea.

You know it's a bad idea when you're praying your wife and you won't get sizzled by lightning while desperately recalling Job 38:35.

It all seemed innocuous enough. We headed down the bikeway near our house (see pics here), at a brisk pace with white cloud above and greying cloud to the south-west. No biggie.

Up we headed into Broadwater Park, where I told Mrs Speech that I would like to continue down the bikeway. That is, further away from our house. She balked. I talked. We walked (back toward our house).

We hit Broadwater Road and she suggested we watch the cars for any wetness as a sign of rain nearby. Clever girl. I wouldn't have thought of that one. The clouds began to close in.

Ham Road is a horrible horrible hill, because it inevitably comes at the end of a walk, when you're already tired, and forces you to climb an incline for about 150 metres.

It's even worse when you can see the gathering storm clouds and your already-hurting legs unconsciously move much much faster as you wide-eyed-with-anxiety ponder what would happen if ten billion volts of electricity passed through you? Would it be like in that John Travolta movie? Would my IQ increase 100 points and suddenly I've figured out how my Wii can power my entire house while running on a glass of orange juice?

These are things you think about as the lightning escapes the clouds and discharges its fury. And then again, and again.

And still even as I was kicking myself for my stupidity, I wasn't done.

We had brought some cash with us because we needed a couple things from the shops. Nothing terribly important. But as we turned left on to Mount Gravatt-Capalaba Road and put the storm to our backs, my confidence increased. I was now looking at white cloud instead of dark grey. I didn't know how fast storms moved.

Five minutes later we exited the shops with the storm directly over us.

*aaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We crossed the road and speed-walked down the hill to our unit complex. Mrs Speech ran to our unit, the pattering rain harbouring horrible horrible thoughts that had left John Travolta and turned to what I would smell like as a piece of crispy bacon. I ran a little too.

We made it though. We thanked the Lord a lot.

And inside we cooled down, and the first storm of storm season 2012 passed in about twenty minutes.

There'll be more.

But I won't be walking in them, 'guarantee you that.

That's a scrappy attempt at a haiku. You don't want to see what an ode would look like.

I'm Mr Speech.

I'm trying to drop some weight.

Okay, a lot of weight.

Alright, several metric tonnes. Well, it feels that way.

I have dragged Mrs Speech for kilometre after gruelling kilometre on our walks, labouring up and down Brisbane's devastating landscape (see here, here and here). You know when kids get in the sandpit and use their bucket and spade to dig a big hole, and next to the big hole there's a big conical pile of sand? That's like Brisbane. Up and down and up and down again.


Tonight, we hit the most challenging route yet. Along Broadwater Road, which before an intersection with Newnham Road curves upward in a never-ending hill which never ends because it doesn't stop.

Then somehow we made it to the top, and went down Newnham Road, before we hit the Catholic School Hill.

The Catholic School Hill. Mrs Speech had not climbed it before. It had taken on an awed oeuvre of hushed reverence in our household, lest we upset the Catholic School Hill. Shhh. Don't let anyone hear you talk about the Catholic School Hill.

In reality, the CSH has nothing to do with the Catholic School. It just happens that St Catherine's Primary School sits astride the most punishing, sweat-producing, trauma-inducing mini-mountain which ever existed. We passed two Sherpas who came back down crying. This thing rises immediately after a gentle-then-not-so-gentle elevation of about seventy metres, suddenly coming upon you and devouring your last morsel of energy and self-esteem as it batters you with its steepness.

Climb me, will you???? Folly! Pure folly!

We climbed the thing though, our unoxygenated words coming between laboured gasps for sweet, sweet air. We climbed the Catholic School Hill. I felt like we should get t-shirts printed.

Then we turned onto Mount Gravatt-Capalaba Road, took a detour down Ham Road, back on to Broadwater Road, and round again on to MG-C Road and forty-five minutes later we were home.


Freedieting.com says that tonight I burned 1064 calories based on my age, weight and what I did for how long (the option "Hiking Or Walking At A Normal Pace Through Fields And Hillsides" seems to suit; 1hr45 minutes). Mrs Speech apparently burned less, I guess because she doesn't weigh as much as me.

1064 calories is a lot. I burned up a lot of energy.

A large Big Mac Meal with a shake is 1450 calories.

If you come back home from the east, as we did tonight, the Golden Arches of our local McDonald's rises like the diet-destroying monster that it is, sucking in all without the requisite power of will, who might dare to pass. If we come home from the west the view down MG-C Road still offers an almost telescopic view of the yellow sign they bulldozed lots of quite old trees for.

I wish I had a picture of this place. Mrs Speech got one a while back but it didn't come out great.

They built this thing and it's awesome. It used to be an assumingly dull place, effortlessly attaining the grit of a truckstop without actually being one.

Now it's a combined petrol station/McDonald's/McCafe. It's new. It's clean. It's schmancy. The layout could have been given more thought, but it's inviting and warm and in the middle of winter it was a wonderful place to walk to; the inviting aroma of comfort food and the soft lighting and post-modern mainstream trend decor beckoned deliciously for us to escape the cold and try our new McAngus burger!

We actually haven't been much. Not as much as I thought we would. It can get pricey and the big boys at the electricity company take cash, not excuses about inviting aromas and former faux-truckstops.


It's tempting. Tonight, was tough. My legs burned and my whole body told me that I had purchased the right to those 1450 calories with every drop of sweat. But, no. If today McDonald's, then tomorrow, pizza. And the day after that, Red Rooster.

It's tempting. That sweet, sweet chocolate shake.

But I said no. Mrs Speech, too. I also don't like the idea of burning off all that energy, only to be in so far in surplus again. Kind of makes the whole Catholic School Hill ordeal a little less worthwhile.

So it's an each day sort of thing. We walk five days a week, and each day brings us home and on to a collision course with the Kilojoule Kingdom. So each day we gotta remind ourselves what we're doing this for and not to undermine it because those golden fries......yum.

So I write poor haikus and laugh at myself a little bit. And tomorrow, maybe it'll get a little bit easier.

Yesterday we went for another walk. Two hours or so. Very, very long walk.

We walked down to the first park near us, Boorabbin Picnic Ground (some pics of the park here) then on to the bikeway, passing through Broadwater Park, then Cresthaven Park. At Cresthaven (as we call it), there were three teens playing basketball. Just sort of chucking the ball close to the basket. Mostly not close to the basket.

We then stuck to the road which cleaves the bikeway/bushland from the residences (near where I lived as a teen) and down to the end of the bikeway area on to Wecker Road.

Wecker Road is an incredibly busy but not interesting road, serving only as a conduit between the Creek Road/Cavendish Road intersection and the suburb of Mansfield and COC (Christian Outreach Centre, a local private school). On one side of it sits decrepit housing which never gets renovated, as though their owners fear any beautification would be swallowed up by the otherwise industrial, utilitarian tone set by the low-rise light-industrial estates which are tucked back on the other side.

From there we turned up on to a street on whose corner sits a massive box of a building which is devoted to selling alcohol in huge quantities and at low prices. Opposite a carpark a pub is always advertising the latest fight.

We wound through the suburb of Mansfield, up and down the many tortuous hills - and there are many, seeking solace in the nearest bench whenever we climbed another leviathan.

We dragged ourselves home, arriving after dusk had disappeared and night had enveloped our weary bodies. I dislike arriving home after dark; I don't know why. I think I just like the idea of leaving during the light and returning during twilight, with the night stretched out before us to relax.

So today Mrs Speech and I went for another of our walks - we were out about two hours. The rain threatened (but that's all it does - we have had .2mm rain in two months) but didn't break on us, which was nice. In fact, the monstrous thick cumulonimbus clouds thinned above our house by the time we returned, and I ended up with a sunburned face.

We actually had a little nature hike thing going on, walking the length of the section of the bikeway that runs through our area, through the bushland which swallows it up. We came across a scrub turkey, scratching at a dirt hill as though foraging for food (maybe it has young somewhere near? It is spring here after all). Could be the same one we saw the other day. One day we'll catch it. Din-dins!

Also, about thirty minutes into our walk, Mrs Speech clutched my hand in a grip of cold icy fear, and I stopped in my tracks, and looked at a massive lizard which lay on the stump of an overturned tree. They're incredibly skittish and this one moved as we passed. I managed to tip toe close and get some pictures though. Then he skittered away. He was just getting some sun I guess.


Today we began gearing up for Mrs Speech's new Etsy shop - Pink Scissor Designs - which she will use to sell her crafty creations. We've not put much up yet - just her Jesse Tree Ornaments, but more is to come. I personally am excited by Christmas already and the Jesse Tree Ornaments are putting me even more in that frame of mind. We took some photos today of what she has done, and broke out our smaller Christmas tree to hang them on.

We've put our Christmas tree up in September.

We got an interesting call today. There's a phenomenon lately here in Australia, maybe in some other western countries, where the Indians call you, and telling you they're calling from "Windows Technical Department". The line's always really shabby, it's like they're on a walkie talkie from Big W. I've never been too far with them but I read a couple years ago that their thing is to get you to look at a certain folder in Windows on your computer. Then, they tut-tut while they tell you that they can see you have lots of malware installed on your computer, and to clean it, please go to xyz website where of course, you can download a program to get rid of all your nasty malware.

What you download puts malware on your computer.

Usually I laugh uproariously at them until they hang up but this time I had a little fun. I asked the woman on the phone if she could hang on. She said yes and I dumped the phone in the next room and made a point to forget about it.

Five minutes later I put the phone to my ear and she was still there. Some twenty minutes later Mrs Speech hung the phone up. Mrs Speech didn't seem all that happy with me, but I say anyone who cold-calls you, attempts to defraud you out of your computer security and gives you a virus, while treating you like an idiot who just fell out of that tree over there, the really big one...gets what they ask for.

That was our day!